absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
