Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this is an emotional support booty call
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
