I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize