We won't sleep together?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
