I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
