do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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