His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
