Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
