I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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