dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
