I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
