I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
