we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
