Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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