Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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