It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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