She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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