i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
