I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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