hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
