I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i will never coherently bang her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
