i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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