I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
