He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
