it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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