So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
