I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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