the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
People in love make me want to vomit
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
