Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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