stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
