my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize