That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
