but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
