3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
