Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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