So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
