my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
