I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
