At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
