I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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