I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
