Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
