Me too!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
