By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
