I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
