Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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