There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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