If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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