Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
