Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
