I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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