When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
