My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
