my phone needs a breathalizer
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
