giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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