He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
