The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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