I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
