Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
