i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
