Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
