I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
