this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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