Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
