Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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