I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
