Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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