The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So apparently I’m into choking now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
