Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize