can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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