thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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