some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
