Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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